By Jennifer McDougall featuring, Chris Prentiss
“A relationship is like a garden. To create a condition that will cause your plants to thrive and produce abundantly, you must weed, water, fertilize, and care for the plants in your garden. You must also know about the special needs of the plants you’re caring for. Some need more or less light than others, some need more or less water than others, and some need special fertilizers.”
– The Laws of Love, Chris Prentiss
After a series of failed relationships and heartbreak, I searched everywhere for the one book that could help explain everything there was to know about creating the relationship I have always dreamed of. It was not until reading The Laws of Love that my relationships became healthier and more steady. Whether or not those relationships lasted, they were healthier. With the help of this book, I learned about the many aspects of a healthy relationship, different approaches to try in difficult situations, healing my own wounds from the past, and when to walk away from a toxic relationship.
One thing you must know before we continue is this: “Attraction may be what draws us to another to create a relationship, but it is not what keeps us together. Attraction blooms in the beginning of a relationship because of physical attraction or sexual attraction or because a certain need is being fulfilled, but those impulses will all wear off, some sooner, some later.” (The Laws of Love, p. 150-151) If your relationship is solely based on attraction, you’re doomed. There must be depth to the bond you and your partner have other than the attraction you have towards one another.
For years, I found myself in unstable relationships with partners I had no business planning a future with. The trouble wasn’t always them either. In some cases, it was me. I accepted the love I felt I deserved. There was little I truly understood about creating a healthy relationship. Reflecting on this now, I realize there’s a lot of drama I could of avoided if I read this book a lot sooner in life. Relationships are not always easy. Sometimes we need help. That is exactly what this book can do for you. Whether you are currently in a relationship or looking for one, this little gem can point you in the right direction to creating the relationship you’ve been dreaming of.
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If You Would Be Loved, Love Yourself
“Love yourself first and everything else will fall into line.” -Lucille Ball
To love yourself, does not mean to be in love with yourself. As Chris Prentiss states it in his book, “The kind of love I am talking about has nothing to do with being so caught up with your own accomplishments or success that you become egotistical, or being vain about successful family members, acquaintances, or family friends. And it has nothing to do with physical beauty or social status. Rather, the love I’m talking about is the regard you hold for your personal attributes of good character.” (The Laws of Love, p. 159) When we practice self-love, we take better care of ourselves and make decisions based upon the high respect we have for ourselves. Someone who does not love themselves, usually makes poor life choices- and participates in self-destructive behaviors. They tend to get themselves in trouble and attract an unnecessary amount of negative energy.
When we stop for a moment and realize how unique we are, how different we are, and how much we have to offer the world, we learn to appreciate our many gifts, talents, and the abundant amount of opportunities we have to be thankful for. To be loved, you must first learn to love yourself. Practice taking better care of your mental, emotional, spiritual, and physical health. When you do these things you will attract positive people and events in your life. There is a wonderful meditation called, “Meditation on the Perfect You.” This 24-minute meditation will help cultivate a deep inner peace that will ultimately expand your consciousness and transform the way you see yourself; allowing the pleasures and fulfillment that you seek come to life.
Tips on practicing acts of self-love include:
- Maintaining a positive attitude from the second you wake up till you fall asleep at night.
- Eat healthy and stay hydrated with plenty of pH balanced and alkaline water.
- Avoid the use of all nicotine, drugs, and alcohol.
- Practice a healthy hygiene and grooming routine.
- Surround yourself with positive reinforcements and those who encourage, motivate, and support you. Avoid toxic people/energy.
- Embrace changes and challenges in your life instead of dwelling on them.
- Meditate at least once a day.
- Get outside. Breathe in the fresh air and soak up the Vitamin D.
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Relationships Only Thrive in Safe Space
“If the environment in which your relationship lives is harsh and unforgiving, a place where sarcasm, degradation, and anger is present and where forgiveness, thoughtfulness, and love are in short supply, your relationship will wither and die…painfully.” – The Laws of Love, Chris Prentiss
Safe Space, is the space you create in your relationship that allows you and your partner to speak freely about your thoughts and feelings without any judgement, anger, or fear. It means “… in your eyes, your partner cannot make a mistake or do anything wrong.” (The Laws of Love, p. 69) Communication is one of the upmost important aspects of creating a healthy relationship. You and your partner must listen to one another fully– without interrupting them. If your partner has something on their mind or if something is bothering them, allow them to let it all out without responding harshly. Creating Safe Space removes fear from your relationship. When you know you can go to your partner about anything in the world and they are not going to attack you, you will be more likely to continue a free-flowing movement of communication in your relationship. And that is a very pleasant feeling.
Deal breakers and non-apologetic transgressions are still to be taken seriously. You should not make excuses for your partner’s reckless behavior or over indulgence in drugs and alcohol, and excessive financial spending habits. There should still be a fine line between right and wrong in your relationship.
To learn how to create Safe Space in your relationship pick up a copy of The Laws of Love today.
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Your Relationship Will Endure When You Make It Your Primary Priority
“To enjoy a meaningful way of life and produce a long-lasting relationship, you must place the continuation of your relationship above everything else.” – The Laws of Love, Chris Prentiss
In order to have a successful relationship, you must put your relationship and your partner first, always. Before making any type of decision consider your partner in the equation. If the decision is going to have a negative effect on your relationship, your best bet is to avoid making that particular choice. Avoid doing anything that could jeopardize the relationship. Every decision has a consequence so everything you do and say should be taken into consideration, as it will most likely affect your partner and your relationship. When we don’t put our relationships first and prioritize other people, our jobs, or anything else instead we run the risk of losing the person we love. Remember: this is a partnership. It’s not the same as it was when you were single. Your words and actions now play the role in two lives now, instead of only one.
Photo by: Jennifer McDougall
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An Ideal Relationship Can Only Exist Within Complete Trust
“Trust is the greatest of all foundations on which to build your relationship. Trust makes it possible for you to tell your partner your deepest fears, greatest shames, and most private thoughts without fear of ridicule or misunderstanding. Trust permits you both to soar free, roaming the skies of love without fear of falling.” – The Laws of Love, Chris Prentiss
It’s a wonderful thing to know that you can trust someone; that no matter what you can depend on them to follow through. Trust is something many people struggle with because of events that might have taken place in the past. When we stop worrying and learn to trust one another, there is a strong sense of security that is felt. That security helps strengthen a relationship creating less room for jealousy and doubt. In The Laws of Love, Chris Prentiss points out this very valuable key in creating the relationship of your dreams. He also mentions that you and your partner should both act in a way that represents loving, faithful, and respectful partnership. The two of you should trust one another not to flirt or do things you wouldn’t do if you were together.
To learn what you should do if that trust is broken, pick up a copy of The Laws of Love today.
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Successful Relationships Require Light from the Past
“Past relationships have created impressions and behavior patterns that carry over into your current relationship, affecting it in many ways. That includes relationships with parents and friends as well as with other people who have shaped you and your partner, particularly love relationships—the good as well as the bad.” -The Laws of Love, Chris Prentiss
Ever wonder why your partner reacts a certain way when you bring up a particular topic? Or how they shut down when you get after them about something? Do you ever wonder why they don’t open up to you when you ask certain questions? Or why they get sensitive during certain holidays or events? Chances are there are things in the past that have happened that effects the way your partner handles current events and circumstances. It’s important for the two of you to talk about past relationships, traumatic events, abuse, even joyful moments, hopes, and fantasies. Explaining to your partner why you are the way you are, will help give them insight into the person you are in the present moment. Keeping an open line of communication is very important and there is also where having Safe Space can be helpful. Doing these things will help you and your partner understand how to best treat one another.
Q & A with Chris Prentiss, the author himself
J: Which one of the Laws of Love would you say is most important in creating the relationship of your dreams?
C: Creating safe space.
J: When did you first know you were in love with your wife, Lyn?
C: After a few months of occasional meetings and sending and receiving email, Lyn was in Hawaii, I began to perceive the wonderful, caring, sensitive woman Lyn is. What started as physical attraction, deepened into admiration for the person Lyn is, then into affection, then love blossomed. After 15 years, the love is stronger than ever.
J: What characteristics do you feel are most important when trying to find love?
C: You can’t find love. Love finds you. Gibran wrote, “Do not think you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.” When we wish for someone to love, we are deceiving ourselves. What we are actually searching for is someone to love us.
Jennifer McDougall w/ The Laws of Love
To read all of the 14 Laws of Love in detail, please purchase a copy of The Laws of Love: Creating the Relationship of Your Dreams, please visit, PassagesWellnessStore.com.
To read more about Chris Prentiss, please feel free to visit his website at: ChrisPrentiss.com
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